


My mind drips desire

by lisachan



Series: Leoverse [294]
Category: Glee
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-31
Updated: 2021-01-31
Packaged: 2021-03-18 01:14:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,628
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29109882
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lisachan/pseuds/lisachan
Summary: Ever since the Revolution, Meredith was able to experience freedom such as she's never experienced before. And yet, there are still some things she wants and she cannot have.
Relationships: Original Female Character/Original Male Character, Original Male Character/Original Male Character
Series: Leoverse [294]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/30541





	My mind drips desire

**Author's Note:**

> **WARNING:** This story is an **AU** from the original 'verse. What happens in here has little to none correlation with what happens in Leonard Karofsky-Hummel VS The world or Broken Heart Syndrome. The characters involved are (mostly) the same, but situations and relationships between them may be completely different.  
> Also, beware: with this we are in the middle of the Genderverse, and if you know nothing about that timeline you better get caught up with it before you proceed!

Had someone told her two years ago what kind of life she would be living today, she’d have laughed in their face and then she would’ve cried as she left the room, because she would have never believed in possible, but she would’ve wanted it desperately.

Meredith thinks about it as she blows air bubbles into the water, half-diving underneath the surface in her bathtub. She has one of her own, in her own bathroom, in her own room, which is a baffling concept already for her, considering she was taught since she was a child that a woman – no, not a woman: a _wife_ , as she would’ve been hadn’t the revolution changed everything – should never be allowed to possess anything. Women, her father always said, and together with him all of his politician friends, are just not capable of _handling_ things.

“It is not your fault, my dear,” he used to say, smiling affectionately at her, as Meredith could’ve imagined him smiling at some silly puppy yapping at his feet, “It’s in your DNA. Women are just _built_ for other things. Caring for the house, caring for their babies.”

And wouldn’t that be _handling_ something?, she always wanted to ask, but she never did. Women, as she were taught, shouldn’t ask questions, because they wouldn’t be able to truly understand the answers.

Sometimes, even today, almost twelve months after the revolution, Meredith struggles to keep herself up to date with all the changes the world – and _her_ world – is going through. She’s excited, and she’s loving this, but it’s also mayhem. It’s a beautiful mess, but nonetheless a mess.

She was a child who knew her place. She was a good student, she was the best in her Home Economics class. She always dressed appropriately, she wore the right shoes, styled her hair the right way, wore the right make up pretending she wasn’t wearing any make up at all. She always smiled, never complained, always obeyed. That was what was expected of her, and she delivered.

Only with Leo she could afford to be someone else, a person that was more similar to her true self. She only allowed herself the honesty of wearing jeans and sneakers and tie her hair up in a messy bun when she was with him, or when she was alone. And she was grateful for that, she was happy to have at least those hours she spent with him, but that was all she thought she would ever be allowed to have.

And then everything changed.

Now she can wear jeans and sneakers whenever she wants. She can wear no make up at all, if she doesn’t feel like it, she can tie her hair in a sloppy ponytail when she doesn’t feel like styling it, she can even decide not to wash it for a couple of days, if she wants. She can wear bright red lipstick, and she can walk out the house without wearing a bra underneath her clothes if, for whatever reason, she doesn’t want to wear one someday.

This is the freest she’s ever been in her life, and yet there are still things she cannot have.

She can’t travel, for example. As a result of the decades of crimes against humanity that the previous government perpetrated against queer people, almost all nations worldwide still won’t grant a visa to USA citizens to go visit their territories. The new government is speaking with them, trying to reinstate US embassies all over the world, trying to strike deals to change this situation, but that’s going to take time. NATO kicked the US out when the previous government started pushing queer people into ghettos, and despite helping the rebels taking over they do not seem very keen upon letting them back into the organization, which is complicating matters, because, as a result of that, the whole of Europe cordially detests them. They just don’t trust them yet, they don’t believe that they’re stable, and they’re dealing with them by treading very, very lightly around them.

Meredith thought as soon as America was free the borders would be open, that she would’ve been able to travel anywhere she would’ve wanted in the world. She’s always wanted to visit Paris, Rome, Florence, Venice, London, Berlin, Amsterdam and Prague. She wants to travel to Australia and she wants to spend one full summer in Greece. She wants to visit Japan and China, she wants to go to India and to Egypt, she wants to explore South Africa and Brazil, but she can’t do that yet, and she’s not sure, despite Adam’s best efforts, that she will be able to do that soon.

So she can’t have that yet.

Another thing she cannot have is a job. It is true that the government is slowly passing laws to grant women the same rights as men in terms of employment and salaries, but many entrepreneurs and business owners belong to conservative groups and elites, and no matter what the law says, they will find ways to make sure they can keep hiring only the same cisgender straight white males they hired before the revolution. It’ll take time and, Meredith suspects, some iron fist action from the government, to make those people change their minds, willingly or otherwise.

In the meantime, she can study, yes, and she can keep looking for a job, hoping to find some employer progressive enough to hire her, but that’s unlikely to happen shortly, so she can’t have that either.

And then there’s one thing nagging at her, slowly eating her up from the inside. That thing she does not talk about, the thing she never mentions, the thing she tries not to ever think about for fear it’ll show in her eyes and Leo will read it.

There’s Cody, and the sticky mess she turns into every time she sees him with Leo.

This is something relatively new in her life. They’ve been living together in her house for a few months, at this point – all of them except Adam, of course, as things are still pretty tense between Leo and him and none of them feels ready to really include him in this weird thing they, have revolving around Leo like a little Sun, yet – but Meredith would be lying if she said she felt like this since the first time she saw them together. It wasn’t so – she was awkward around them in the beginning. She could feel, she could _always_ feel how much Leo wanted Cody, and that made their relationship something private, to her eyes. She didn’t want to barge in on that. She tried to keep her place, by Leo’s side but respectfully away from them as a unit.

And then something happened. She believes it all started that night in Adam’s limo, as they were driving back home after some party at the White House. They were all pretty drunk, Blaine was smiling softly and he was absolutely gorgeous, Adam was dashing, on his best behavior, Leo was floating on cloud nine, just unable to stop grinning, beside himself with happiness as he rode that limo surrounded by literally everyone he loved in the world, and Cody was sitting on his lap, chuckling sweetly, rubbing his nose against his neck. And then at some point he turned towards her, smirked and parted his lips, leaning in to leave a half-open, barely wet kiss underneath Leo’s ear. All the while locking eyes with her. 

And she just. Something in her brain just broke in that moment, some cog went out of its lodge and it’s been misplaced ever since. Cody’s eyes, his smirk, that kiss triggered her, and now she can’t help herself every time she sees Leo and Cody together, even when they’re not even touching. They look at one another from across the room and the air is on fire between them, and they start to vibe, and she starts to vibe.

She tried to fool herself into believing it wasn’t wanting, but she knows her body, by now, and she knows her mind. And this is wanting. Wanting to see them. Wanting to watch.

She can’t have that, though. Leo’s unbelievably jealous of Cody. He protects their intimacy fiercely, that is the entire reason why he’s so bummed at having to share him with Adam. She asked him about it, because she couldn’t understand it and she hates not to be able to understand Leo, and as honest and open as he always was with her he frankly explained to her that he feels as though Cody belongs to him on a deeper level than anyone else. He’s something Leo had for a brief while when he was very, very young, and during that time Cody was everything to him, his whole world. He was all he liked, all he wanted to see, the only person he truly wanted to share every waking moment with. And then he lost him, and for years he didn’t even know where he was, if he was anywhere at all, and having found him again now makes him hate every moment they’re not together. Makes him hate anyone else who might wanna touch him.

“Don’t ever tell anyone,” Leo told her in a low voice, looking down, avoiding her eyes, “But if I could lock him in a room and keep him there, all to myself, I would.” She didn’t need him to explain what he meant by that, she understood that perfectly. Leo would never keep Cody prisoner, but if he could keep him from the rest of the world, he would. Just to be able to take all of him, without having to share any part of him with the outside world.

That’s why Meredith needs to keep this secret. Leo would never share this with her, no matter how close they are and how much he loves her – and she knows it’s a lot. Cody means something completely different to him than any other member of this polyamorous relationship. He loves them all, but Cody? They _belong_. That’s it, really, all there is to say about it.

So what she’s left with, it’s fantasies. Sometimes, when she’s alone, and she’s locked in her bathroom, like she is now, when she knows she has time, and she can relax, and she won’t be disturbed, she closes her eyes and she fantasizes. She rests her head against the rounded edge of the bathtub, behind her, and she dives into the vivid, moving pictures swimming behind her eyelids.

She can see Cody, right now. She can see him in his bathroom, standing in front of the sink, staring at his own face in the mirror. He’s checking his skin, the vague hint of bags underneath his eyes he has for staying up late studying his infant psychology manual. He sticks out his tongue, making funny faces at himself, and suddenly Leo appears behind him, pressing himself up against him, crushing him into the edge of the sink.

Cody chuckles, holding onto it with both hands, pushing back into Leo’s lap. You missed me?, he asks, and Leo answers, too much. I couldn’t wait anymore. I needed to see you.

Meredith keeps her eyes shut closed as she licks her lips. She bites into the bottom one as she lets her fingers travel down her body, underneath the water surface. It’s warm and pleasant, she feels light, as though suspended in mid-air. She parts her legs, ever so slightly, and the Cody in her mind parts his own too.

She can see everything of him, she can see him in more details than she could ever see if she was staring at the same scene in real life. The rounded curve of his ass, his pink opening hiding between his buttocks, only coming into view when Leo spreads them open, exposing it. How tight must it feel, how soft. Oh, what she wouldn’t do to wear one of those things she’s seen on that online shop, that strap-on thing that would allow her to pretend having a cock to use on him. The things she would do to him. How she would dive between his milky thighs, how she would breach him open, how relentlessly she would thrust inside him, hitting the very bottom of him, over and over again, to make him scream.

She could never do that, and so she lets the Leo living in her mind do it in her stead. He bends Cody over the sink, he makes him part his legs wider, he drives his cock up his ass with close to no foreplay, close to no lubrication, to feel him better, raw and warm and tight and squirming all around him. Cody mewls in the dirty way Meredith imagines he would mewl in such a situation, he swings his hips, begging for more. His eyes are liquid pools of wanting, glistening in the white light of the bathroom, his lips, swollen and cherry red, are parted and wet, and he keeps panting, panting, more, I want more.

Meredith moves her fingers faster, touching herself, stroking herself, fucking herself while the water splashes all around her, sprinkling on the tiled floor. She watches with her mind’s eye as Leo fucks Cody from behind, and she wants more, she craves more, but she cannot have more, and she needs to live with that, but Jesus, sometimes it’s goddamn hard to settle when you know you could have it so much better, and just like the rebels would not settle for anything less than the White House, she’s not sure she can settle for her own fingers when just the thought of driving a fake cock right through the tight muscle ring of Cody’s opening is enough to make her squirt.

She moans desperately, bending forward, her nose almost dipping underneath the water. She’s shaken by tremors while her orgasm washes over her in overwhelming waves, making her gasp and moan with every uncertain stroke of her fingertip against her oversensitive clit. She swallows hard, letting pleasure course through her until it starts to turn into a distant echo, and only then she leans back against the tub, exhaling heavily.

“God, you’re so fucking beautiful,” Leo says from the door.

She opens her eyes, even though her eyelids feel heavy as cement blocks. She tries to swallow but her throat’s too dry, and she can’t stop heaving anyway. She can see he’s stroking himself through his sweatpants, and she can see he’s tense and needy, despite how rigidly he stands, leaning against the doorframe.

“How long have you been there…?”

“Long enough,” he says briskly, his eyes uncharacteristically dark, like the ocean at night. “Please tell me I can fuck you.”

She scoffs a little laughter. Her knees are peeking out from underneath the water, breaking the surface with their gentle roundness. She moves them aside, showing Leo she’s already spread her legs. “Come here,” she just says, and Leo leaps from the door, stripping naked on his way to the bathtub, dropping all his clothes on the floor, diving in with her, over her, against her, inside her.

It’s true, she thinks as she takes him, moaning loudly while he unleashes the fire of his passion within her body, there are some things she cannot have yet, and she probably can’t settle for that, and she will need to work for it, she will need to find a way to see if it’s possible at all for her to have everything she wants.

But in the meantime, there are things she could never have before, and that she has now, and that she can enjoy.

So she’s gonna enjoy them.

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Episode Two, Week Two of the Explorers Challenge @ landedifandom.net
> 
> Prompts: water, and the story had to be about a female straight character, it had to have NSFW elements and be written in present time


End file.
